Onward Through The FogCategory: General   Jul 20th 2017  08:58AM   0

I had a dream last night that I was lost in a strange neighborhood. I was walking in a hurry, on the pavement, past old stately houses and historical buildings, but instead of heading down the even prettier side streets full of big lawns, colorful homes, and elaborate landscaping, I stuck to the main road thinking I'd get where I needed to be in less time. I was speed-walking versus taking a leisurely stroll, as much as I would've liked to enjoy the scenery. I was trying to get somewhere I really needed to be and was already late in arriving.

There was a storm coming and obstacles in my way, including a furry sheep/goat creature. It rubbed against my legs in a bid for attention. I gave it a quick pet then sidestepped it, still rushing to an unknown faraway place. 

I ended up in a building without windows, yet many floors, doorways, and hallways. The entire interior was painted black, and every door I tried to open was nailed shut, even those I'd just seen someone else walk through. No matter which one I tried or which floor I was on, there was no escape from the maze of black hallways. I wasn't just lost now ... I was trapped.

Other people had entered the same building, but no one would show me the secret to accessing its rooms, much less the way out. No one cared. In fact, I had the sense some were pleased, as if it was to their benefit to keep me trapped. 

I've always had a vivid dream life and have known how to interpret them for decades. I believe everyone and everything in my dreams represent me and my life. The neighborhood and building from last night's dream symbolize my life, what I've created for myself versus the roads not taken. The other people in the building and animals on the street are various aspects of myself, either in need of more nurturing attention or actively working against my own best interest.

I've felt behind schedule since the day I got sober (20+ years ago). No time to slow down and enjoy life's beauty and pleasures ... I simply must MUST get where I'm going, always in such a hurry. And yet I have felt lost at times, including these past few years, confused, in need of guidance, and (if I'm being honest) probably subconsciously holding myself back. 

I don't embrace change any faster than the next guy. And I'm going through so much of it right now ... it's overwhelming. I'm also trudging this path alone, which makes life feel like a black windowless hallway sometimes. I have to remind myself there are side streets to consider and all kinds of flowers to be smelled.

Maybe there is a storm coming but maybe it's a simple spring shower. And that wouldn't be so bad ... would it? I used to quite like being in nature. A light sprinkle on the face can be refreshing. And a hard rain cleans out all kinds of garbage.

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