Bonding BreakthroughCategory: General   Aug 17th 2014  11:14AM   0

I've been reading a lot about attachment theory lately, the idea that some people have an "anxious" (aka needy) style, others an "avoidant" style (self explanatory), and still others the ideal "secure" style.

It's fascinating stuff and I'll write more about it soon, but for now, I want to share this one quote that really hit home:

Isolation is traumatizing and exacerbates our perception of threat.

Not only is it all the validation my line of work should ever need, but it contradicts some misguided notions in regard to masculinity and modern feminism, both. Here's another great quote:

Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength.

Emotional interaction not only enhances brain development (even in adults), but it calms fears, eases the perception of physical pain, spurs courage and creativity, creates balance and equilibrium, and establishes and reinforces self-worth. Our long held cultural ideal of self-reliance above all and the demonizing of neediness is just plain bullshit. Attachment bonds are vital to emotional health, and for those men who've been somewhat (or greatly) unlucky in love, the isolation, especially over time, can be emotionally and physically devastating. 

On a personal note, not so long ago, two people close to me were so callous and reckless with my some of my private information as to be a threat to my livelihood and personal security. I've cut them out of my life, completely and permanently, even though some privy to the situation thought my reaction drastic. All I know is that I'm all alone out here, and have been for as long as I can remember.

I've been single for 20 of the past 21 years, and when I feel threatened, I react strongly. Not only do I lack the support of a loving partner, even my dearest, closest patrons can't really "be there for me" when push comes to shove. They have wives and families to think about, that's just how this business and these relationships work. No matter what happens to me, be it a random bully trying to control my behavior, or the sudden onset of a devastating illness, I'm on my own, period. 

That's the main reason I tell clients who fall in love to please keep it to themselves. We can be there for each other in delightful and important ways ... ways that are vital, spiritually ordained and potentially life changing. Isolation is a bitch and bonding heals, but the paradigm collapses without proper boundaries.

More than anything, I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to do the work that I do. My patrons have cushioned me from the trauma of isolation for the past four years. I doubt I'll be around this demimonde too much longer, really, but until I go, it's nice to think I'm doing the same for some of them. 

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