Geek TrilogyCategory: General   Sep 1st 2013  11:37AM   2

Many of my clients are new to professional companionship.

I attract all kinds but especially hesitant and/or shy gents, men who wouldn't normally indulge in such unconventional coupling, but, having bad luck or excessive complications with civilian women, turn to the professional arena as a last resort. They crave physical intimacy but also an authentic dating experience complete with emotional connection and down to earth conversation.

These men are smart to zero in on me because that genuine date experience (GDE!) is the only way I want to work. The downside (if you can call it that) is that genuine first dates can be nerve-wracking. Dating a professional has the additional stress of wasting precious time and money with pointless awkward fumblings. Thankfully, I'm quite good at putting people at ease. It is a skill as vital to my work as sewing sutures is for a surgeon. That said, I offer three stories to hopefully put things in perspective beforehand. 

1) In my 30s I dated a guitarist from a hugely popular local band known for their outrageously sexy music and performances. He was incredibly talented, intellectually brilliant (which is dead sexy to me), and painfully shy. He may've been the only guy in that 9 piece band not going home with a different girl every week. I flirted with him for 8 straight months and then finally gave up, which, funny enough, was just the jolt he needed to make that call. Our first date was disastrous from the start when he practically knocked me out in an awkwardly timed hug, and then barely spoke all night before rushing off altogether, having caved to the belief that he didn't have the "game" to date me. 

I was rather confused (and slightly less enamored) but when he called to apologize I agreed to one more date. Then, as soon as I saw him again, everything clicked. Our light lunch plans turned into a 9 hour date that was one of, if not the best, of my life. Let me tell you, that shy guitar player was his testosterone-fueled band's best kept secret (if you know what I mean ;)) and taught me that awkwardness, shyness, and even accidental head-butting, do not predict how chemistry will progress.  

2) I met my last real "boyfriend" in a dimly lit club when he sauntered over like the confident, seductive, macho guy he was. The chemistry was instant and overwhelming and yet I sensed a strong incompatibility so didn't put him in the "dating" box, but the "lover" box instead. We chatted in the corner for a while before he had to go, then I called him a few days later to invite him over for our first midday tryst.

The thing about a daytime dalliance with someone you've only spent 2 hours getting to know is that the combination of nerves and sunlight can be a major mood killer. And that's true for even the most studly guy, including my ex-boyfriend. In fact, it was also the case the 2nd time we hooked up. By then, he was a bit embarrassed but I was unfazed. I sensed explosive potential. By that time in my life (at 39 and no neophyte) I knew the role timing plays in physical chemistry.

I was so right. Our 3rd time was a charm, a mind blowing, off the chart, rafter shaking charm. As was most every time after that, confirming my belief that most couples get better over time. It's one of the many reasons that I prefer ongoing relationships with clients, because even when we start off with a bang (which is usually the case) things still get better over time. 

3) I'm a confident woman, especially in the romantic/sexual arena, which is why I was completely stumped years ago when the presence of this one particular man would, without fail, instantly reduce me to a self-conscious, dorky, pubescent teen. The attraction lasted a decade, during which, whenever I was in his presence, I'd revert to a geeky, freckle-faced, head-gear and braces wearing schoolgirl, devoid of any wit, intelligence, or charm whatsoever.

It was beyond frustrating until I realized that it was simply a reflection of the level of importance I attributed to his opinion of me. The solution was to continue forming a better & better opinion of myself until we were on a more level playing field. I did eventually charm the pants off him (so to speak), but it was his lasting friendship, respect, and admiration that really validated my self-confidence. Sometimes, feeling safe enough to be vulnerable is more important than great sex. (To have both, well...I can only imagine.)

I don't think all clients come to me solely, or even mostly, for a boost of confidence but I do think everyone benefits from the approval of others, especially their intimate partners. No one is at the top of their game at all times. On the rare occasion a client gets tongue-tied or intimidated by my presence as a desirable, confident woman, my heart goes out to him because I know it means he values my opinion. How can I be anything other than grateful and honored (and a little turned on) by that?

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