Erotic EmpathyCategory: General   Jul 13th 2013  11:45AM   2

The book What Do Women Want? cites studies on male and female arousal wherein women were found to have a much wider variety of triggers than men, leading researchers to believe that the scope of female sexuality has been skewed and sublimated for many, many years. I agree with this, as a woman who experienced that very thing, growing up. I also think they're missing a significant piece of the puzzle, which is the female predisposition to empathy.

Our capacity for empathy combined with intense societal conditioning to prioritize it in every interaction means that, for most of us, it's automatic. I can feel what you're feeling, whether you're across the dinner table, a character on TV, or two bonobos fucking on a computer screen. The author of the book seemed surprised the test subjects got turned-on watching monkey sex but didn't become aroused by the scene of a gorgeous, hard bodied male strolling the beach naked with a limp penis. What they didn't study is whether the subjects would become aroused watching an unattractive man stroll by with an erection. My firm belief is that yes, they may not intellectually realize they were aroused (as in the case of the monkey sex video) but the sensors in their vaginas would be reading off the charts. 

Women don't want to fuck bonobos but watching them fuck is a turn-on because we automatically feel what they feel--aroused. No matter how hot the limp-dicked guy on the screen is, unless he's standing in front of me and we have some sexual chemistry, I'm not getting wet over nice abs or muscle tone alone. 

My point is, I don't believe women have more erotic triggers than men but I do think we have a REALLY STRONG ONE called empathy.

In our society, men aren't encouraged to develop empathy (in fact, quite the opposite) but I think they absorb it over time, after enough varied life experience imparts the importance of, and the ability to, feel what others are feeling, especially the women in their lives.

That right there is the main reason I don't see men under the age of 50. A woman's comfort, security and pleasure become more important to most men over time. They find comfort in my comfort and take pleasure in my pleasure. Some younger men enjoy women's pleasure immensely but only for the ego boost it gives them. Even more rare is the young man so empathetic that his partner's arousal becomes his main erotic trigger. 

For older men, a deeper level of empathy is not uncommon and not just apparent in bed. I take note of my date's ability within the first 10 minutes of meeting and throughout the next hour or two over dinner. My estimation is always proven right by the time we share "dessert" and (in case this really needs to be said) the greater his capacity for empathy the more delicious it always turns out to be.

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